Not just for Dads

Intentional Influence – Thoughts for Leaders and Fathers…and anyone who knows some!

Archive for the category “Humility”

Getting a clue from the clueless

I’m currently looking for a job.

So naturally, I have been looking at a few job postings in the process. One thing I noticed (nothing spectacular, as you will see) is that companies often add phrases like:

  • minimum experience of X years in … required
  • At least X years of experience with …
  • Degree in … considered an asset

These companies are looking for people with many years of experience, people who know what they are talking about, who have been there and done that. In other words: they are looking for experts.

And that is great. There is nothing wrong or bad about that. Experts are awesome.

But it made me think. It made me think of the quote*: “If you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got”.

In some cases that is exactly what we want. We want what we always got. We want proven quality. We want reliability. If so, ask the experts.

But sometimes what we need is inspiration. We are looking for innovation. We are stuck and need a new way, some brilliant idea to solve a problem. What we always got is no longer good enough. We need a new perspective.

In that case I would suggest asking a Non-Expert. Someone who hasn’t been there and hasn’t done that. Someone who “doesn’t have a clue”. Someone who “doesn’t really care”.¬†Someone who can offer a fresh look…

Ask someone who “probably doesn’t have a clue” about something they “probably don’t care about” and you will get a response you probably didn’t expect.¬†
But it might be just the answer you were looking for!

Ask the high school student about his opinion on taxes…
Talk to the mother of five children about project management…
See if the manager next door has some thoughts on meal planning and home cooking…
Start a conversation with anybody about anything…you’ll likely learn something…

They probably won’t give the answers the experts in that field would give.
They may not have the answers needed to solve the problem.
But they might just give you that bit of insight or new perspective you need.

*This quote has been attributed to Abraham Lincoln, Henry Ford, Albert Einstein and a few others. If you know who it came from and have credible evidence I’d love to hear it.

A Daring Definition of Love

This post is about love…

(Ladies, I know you’re interested. Just hold on for a second while I make sure I don’t lose the men on this one. Men, this post IS on love, but it’s not about the cute, sweet, pink kinda love you might be dreading. It’s about the real deal. True, real, luv-is-a-verb kind of love. I’m almost tempted to say: manly love! So stay with me. You won’t regret it…)

So, as I said: this post is about love.

Today I would like to give you a definition of love you have probably never heard before, but that has the potential to change the way you view love. It’s simple. It’s short and yet it’s extremely profound. But we will get to that in a few moments…

First let me ask you a question:
How many of you are familiar with the phrase: “It’s not you, it’s me”? calls it “a great excuse for breaking up with someone while trying not to hurt their feelings”. An example might be: “Our time together was so special, and I didn’t want this to happen, but it’s best for both of us. It’s not you, it’s me!”

I don’t really know what your take on that phrase is, but I like it. I think it’s fitting. In fact, I can’t imagine a better way to formally end a love relationship than with that phrase. It’s brilliant. The reason I like it so much, is because it is the exact opposite of the definition of love I am about to share with you in a few moments.

“It’s not you, it’s me!”
Another way to put that would be:
“It’s not about you, it’s about me.”
“I’m not about you, I’m about me!”
or maybe even
“I don’t care about you, I care about me!”

Don’t you agree that this phrase is fitting to end the so called “love” relationship? Because it has absolutely nothing to do with love. At least not with love for the other person. What that person is saying, is: “Not you, ME!”

So if that is NOT love, what is?
Let me get to the definition I promised you. I have been studying about love for the last little while, and the more I read about it and think about it, the more I like this definition. So here it is:
Love is: “YOU, not me!”

I know it sounds simple. It is. You might think that’s making it too easy. It isn’t!

Think about it for a moment. It is simple and short, but it is also extremely profound. When you start exploring love – true, real, luv-is-a-verb kind of love – you discover it is so much about giving, about humility, about sacrifice, about hard work. It’s about the other person. It’s about “YOU, not me!”

It took me some time to understand the definition, it took me even longer to really appreciate it. And I am a long way away from making it at least a small part of my daily life (and love). But the definition has helped me to see love differently already. And it has helped me see the people I am trying to love differently as well. And it’s hard work…

So maybe next time you think about love (or hear about someone break up with the sentence “It’s not you, it’s me!”) you can think about this little definition that has the power to change the way we live and love.

Love is: “YOU, not me!”

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