Not just for Dads

Intentional Influence – Thoughts for Leaders and Fathers…and anyone who knows some!

A Daring Definition of Love

This post is about love…

(Ladies, I know you’re interested. Just hold on for a second while I make sure I don’t lose the men on this one. Men, this post IS on love, but it’s not about the cute, sweet, pink kinda love you might be dreading. It’s about the real deal. True, real, luv-is-a-verb kind of love. I’m almost tempted to say: manly love! So stay with me. You won’t regret it…)

So, as I said: this post is about love.

Today I would like to give you a definition of love you have probably never heard before, but that has the potential to change the way you view love. It’s simple. It’s short and yet it’s extremely profound. But we will get to that in a few moments…

First let me ask you a question:
How many of you are familiar with the phrase: “It’s not you, it’s me”?
Urbandictionary.com calls it “a great excuse for breaking up with someone while trying not to hurt their feelings”. An example might be: “Our time together was so special, and I didn’t want this to happen, but it’s best for both of us. It’s not you, it’s me!”

I don’t really know what your take on that phrase is, but I like it. I think it’s fitting. In fact, I can’t imagine a better way to formally end a love relationship than with that phrase. It’s brilliant. The reason I like it so much, is because it is the exact opposite of the definition of love I am about to share with you in a few moments.

“It’s not you, it’s me!”
Another way to put that would be:
“It’s not about you, it’s about me.”
or
“I’m not about you, I’m about me!”
or maybe even
“I don’t care about you, I care about me!”

Don’t you agree that this phrase is fitting to end the so called “love” relationship? Because it has absolutely nothing to do with love. At least not with love for the other person. What that person is saying, is: “Not you, ME!”

So if that is NOT love, what is?
Let me get to the definition I promised you. I have been studying about love for the last little while, and the more I read about it and think about it, the more I like this definition. So here it is:
Love is: “YOU, not me!”

I know it sounds simple. It is. You might think that’s making it too easy. It isn’t!

Think about it for a moment. It is simple and short, but it is also extremely profound. When you start exploring love – true, real, luv-is-a-verb kind of love – you discover it is so much about giving, about humility, about sacrifice, about hard work. It’s about the other person. It’s about “YOU, not me!”

It took me some time to understand the definition, it took me even longer to really appreciate it. And I am a long way away from making it at least a small part of my daily life (and love). But the definition has helped me to see love differently already. And it has helped me see the people I am trying to love differently as well. And it’s hard work…

So maybe next time you think about love (or hear about someone break up with the sentence “It’s not you, it’s me!”) you can think about this little definition that has the power to change the way we live and love.

Love is: “YOU, not me!”

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